***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
