Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
