Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
