I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
