so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
