Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
