i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
