Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
