the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
