i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
