So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
