I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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