sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
