Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
