A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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