I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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