i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
