i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
