Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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