Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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