he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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