TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
