I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
