Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
