he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You are a genius and a whore.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
