ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
