so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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