Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
