I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
