i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
