Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
