I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
