Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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