last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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