honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
