She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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