So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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