8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
