Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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