It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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