dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
