So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
