Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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