Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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