Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
