How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
