I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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