So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
