after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
