Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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