There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
