if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize