well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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