508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
