Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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