it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
