i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she peed on how many people?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
