Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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