I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
