There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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