so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
