3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
