in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
