we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize