I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
