I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
