You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
