I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
