gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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