how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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