he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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