My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
