after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
