it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
