My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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